Conspiracy Theory Rock

This is kind of old but, since I'm seeing it for the first time, it's not old to me.



A little civics lesson for the chirrens, because they are the future.

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Liz gets hit?

Truncation. It'll get you every time.

This is what happened when the good people at Access Hollywood decided to cover Elizabeth Taylor and her new boyfriend...



Yes, that's right. It's Liz Taylor, a black man and caption that reads, "Liz Taylor: Ready to get hit..."

The actual headline, truncated by the link, reads, "Liz Taylor: Ready to get hitched again?"

I just thought that was funny. Carry on.

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The Official Restart of the Cold War (Continued)

Per this AP story, our counterproductive Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice was at it again today:

Rice: US pursues own missile plan

By MATTHEW LEE, Associated Press Writer 16 minutes ago

NEW YORK - The United States will pursue its own plans to put a missile defense in Eastern Europe despite Russia's surprise suggestion to locate it outside the region, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice told The Associated Press Friday.

In a wide-ranging interview, Rice said Russian President Vladimir Putin's offer to share a Soviet-era radar tracking station in Azerbaijan for the project had caught the Bush administration off guard, but was worth looking into even while missile defense negotiations with Poland and the Czech Republic continue....

Translation: "Yeah, whatever. We'll call you. "

Asked for more detail on US designs in Europe, Rice then struck a more diplomatic pose:

"I'll get you, my Puty, and your little dog too!"

Background:

Putin Chides President's Comment on Democracy

Putin Cites US' Excessive Use of Force

The Official Restart of the Cold War

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Caribbean Terror Mastermind Exposed

Authorities have identified the mastermind behind the recent spate of terror plots hatched by dastardly Caribbean allies of Al Qaeda. The suspect is shown here in recently-released footage from a training video found during a raid of an alleged Al Qaeda safe house cleverly disguised as a beef pattie stand:

Boo, unlikely Caribbean Islamic extremist!

Hooray, FEAR!

The Nexus of Politics and Terror

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The Official Restart of the Cold War

[Cue mysterious-sounding music]

In a world where domestic budget surpluses abound....







...where international weapons inspectors can completely disarm a tyrant...






...and the "communist threat" suddenly vanishes...







...all your hopes and dreams for a global Armageddon hang in the balance. Now, there's only one man you can turn to...


"I'm the commander guy!"







New, from the the makers of...

"Big Brother 2000"

"Quagmire in Iraq"

and

"Sosa for Palmiero"


...comes a new dimension in adventure....





"Get dowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn!




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Cold War II

This time, it's completely avoidable!

NOW PLAYING!

This is not a film. It has not yet been rated because you're living it right now.

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Meet the Press for Idiots

This is old but I'm seeing it for the first time. Regardless, it's too funny to not post...

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News Flash! Men Look At Crotches

Via Kottke.Org:

Among the many interesting things in Online Journalism Review's article about using eyetracking to increase the effectiveness of news article design is this odd result:



Although both men and women look at the image of George Brett when directed to find out information about his sport and position, men tend to focus on private anatomy as well as the face. For the women, the face is the only place they viewed. Coyne adds that this difference doesn't just occur with images of people. Men tend to fixate more on areas of private anatomy on animals as well, as evidenced when users were directed to browse the American Kennel Club site...

Surprise!

These folks could have saved themselves some time, money and effort and just asked me. I would have told them outright. It breaks down like this:

• If the image is a woman a guy is going to look at the crotch because it's a woman. This goes without saying, I believe.

• If the image is of another guy then a guy is going to look at the crotch for one reason and one reason only... "My package is bigger/better."

• If the guy is gay, flip these around and adjust accordingly.

But what about the results for women? The most interesting thing I found about the above graphic is not their intense focus on George Brett's face. That's to be expected. Women are forever talking about who's cute and who isn't, who has pretty eyes or a pretty smile and so forth. How do they develop this hyper-developed sense of cuteness? Why, by gazing endlessly into the eyes of every man, woman, child and stray dog they run across, of course. So who's surprised that when forced to look at baseball cards (come on) they'll focus on the batter's face? Not me.

No, what I found most interesting, and what seems to have gone unnoticed here, is the bottom-right corner of the womens image underneath the "Fixation Length" key. If you look closely you'll see a small but intense spot of yellow extending off the page, almost as if it it were trying desperately to leave the picture altogether.

Come on, ladies. Where is your focus? Does this finally explain the wonder that is female driving or simply the futility of trying to explain sports to them? We may never know.

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Bush Compares Himself to George Washington

Abandoning any pretense of not being a complete joke, the High Lord & Protector of the Realm today compared his war on terrah with the American Revolution, I shit you not.

President Bush honored the 275th birthday of the nation's first president on Monday, likening George Washington's long struggle that gave birth to a nation to the war on global terrorism.

"Today, we're fighting a new war to defend our liberty and our people and our way of life," said Bush, standing in front of Washington's home and above a mostly frozen Potomac River.

"And as we work to advance the cause of freedom around the world, we remember that the father of our country believed that the freedoms we secured in our revolution were not meant for Americans alone."

With his characteristic disregard for the stomachs of those gathered in attendance, Bush then took a moment to pose for the above photograph with a fellow presidential impersonator.

Also typical of his administration, the actors on hand portraying colonial soldiers were not provided with adequate armor (read, "hot air-sickness bags") they so desperately needed for their hazardous mission.

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Decoding White House War Spin

I've been tossing this thing around in my head for some time now, trying to figure a way to summarize all the propaganda surrounding Dear Leader's glorious march to another war in a single post. I've not been successful thus far, such a mess it is. Then along comes The Daily Show to once again show us how it's done:





...and here:




Once again, unfortunately, these clips come with an expiration date. To view these after March 15th follow this link to Crooks & Liars.

See also two recent articles by Rosa Brooks' on the subject:

Insurgents: They Buy American

The Dubya Vinci Code

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Daily Show on Obama's Candidacy

The Daily Show's "Senior Black Correspondent", Larry Wilmore, breaks down the Obama Presidential run...

Unfortunately, this clip comes with an expiration date of March 12, 2007. To view the clip after this date visit Crooks & Liars here.

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Presidential Euphemisms

From Pat Begley of the Salt Lake Tribune:

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Political Commentary Made Easy

A buddy of mine joked recently that these BushCo people are making me look like a genius. I got a good laugh out of that one but I'm here to tell you that it just ain't so. It's not them and I'm not a genius or an insider. The truth is that I simply have a fool-proof method for dead-on-balls accurate political punditocritizin' and, for a limited time, I'm willing to share my secrets with the general public.

My simple step-by-step method is guaranteed to make anyone, from any walk of life, a reliable and credible political pundit virtually instantly. Just follow these quick and easy steps:

Step #1: Listen to or read a statement from President Bush, anyone in his administration or any of their supporters in congress or the media, making careful note of their arguments and assertions.

Step #2: Assume the exact opposite to be true.

Step #3: Tell all your friends that exact opposite formulation as if it were a confirmed fact while -- and this important -- actually having no factual idea yourself. Write scalding letters to the editor sticking your neck out on these assertions. Post it in your blog if you have one. If you don't have one, start one and post it there. Accost strangers on the elevator with it. Go nuts.

Step #4: NOW (and only now) go do some research.

Step #5: Find out you were right. Laugh about it. Show your spouse or significant other.

I'm batting a thousand with this amazing system and now you can too! Be a hit at dinner parties! Amaze your friends!

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